Our Interactions in This Business

At the heart of much of what we accomplish in this life, very much including how well we do as writers, lies how we conduct our relationships, knowingly or unknowingly.

For instance, I’m pretty sure my neighbor is annoyed with me. From time to time I’ll edit a piece of writing for him, as I did recently. I don’t charge him anything, but he will sometime thereafter take me to lunch. Generally, we’re on quite good terms, but what he sent me this last time had a tone that I didn’t think was his, and the way the material was phrased I felt was unwise. Yet the letter—that’s what the note was—made me bristle. The intent was to let a government entity know that the group requesting some action had a distinct amount of power and had better be listened to.

Seriously? Was the group a unified segment of voters? Indeed, does any portion of voters speak as one mind, particularly a faction stated to be one million individuals strong? The sense of this was: If you don’t listen to our demand, we won’t vote for you, and you’ll be sorry.

My neighbor always politely says that if I think of something else to add to his piece, to include any other ideas. I, instead, changed that part of the letter to give thanks for prior deeds that were kind and helpful to members of the group. I thought gratitude for significant aid in the past was perhaps an improvement over a snarkish threat.

But I knew rather well, or assumed, that my friend wouldn’t like the change. And though I have seen him since, we haven’t talked about what I had done, and he hasn’t invited me to lunch as a transactional reciprocation. (I have eaten perfectly well since, anyway.)

But what I’m talking about here is that in the world of writing and publishing, either we can offend others unintentionally or accept that what we may say or do will throw the relationship out of whack.

How we interact with agents, editors, clients, instructors, fellow strivers, and students will certainly affect outcomes involving our desired career.

In another recent instance, a fellow writer sent me a published novel of his that was going to be reissued soon. At the same time, he promised to interview me for his blog since I’m seeking promotion for my latest novel in print (Dry Bones, a police procedural). I told him I liked his novel, and I did, but later he completely blew up when I repeated that I liked the novel, but having in mind that it was going to be reissued, I said he had a certain constant glitch in the punctuation. Oh well, that saved me an hour or two of not writing the answers to his questions for his blog. He then blocked me on Facebook.

I didn’t intend to annoy him; my intention was to help. But maybe he didn’t know that I’ve spent more years than I care to admit trying to make the writing of others more effective.       

To continue on the relationship theme: I do have some positive interactions; really I do. I and another author friend I have known for years have developed a cooperation that includes exchanging any market information we come across and giving general support in a very tough business. We have materially helped one another in publishing everything from short stories to novels and have traded advice. If I edit her short story, she welcomes the changes, and she has sent me contact information for places where I might list my work, and vice versa. Even if the suggestions are somewhat flawed (as life might go), no problem. We’re pretty much in synch.

I often become friendly with my editing clients, and, here too, I’ll send suggestions even years later of where they might sell, or give encouragement—or discounts in editing. But I won’t do much for someone who hasn’t gotten back to me to explain not finishing a project. Or, as with someone I responded to on a request that was unclear, later, I found he was looking for suggestions as to markets for his work. Uh, good markets are like gold, not to be set out on the table for anyone who comes along. I like to be helpful, but not willy-nilly. (Let’s not ask for more than we have earned.)

What I really have been thinking of for years in regard to relationships in publishing is the advice given to promote ourselves, and the fact that if a personality is an irritating one, the person would be best hanging back. But can one know that they are being irksome? Probably not.

I hear almost regularly from a member of my membership writing guild. Something is off about the way she presents herself. She’s high maintenance. So what do I do? I try to be nice at the cost of two or so minutes of emailing. Yeah, why not. But I wonder how she comes off to agents she might query. Or on the page.

This is a seriously difficult business. Maybe have your query letters edited. Treat your contacts nicely. Don’t complain. Thank people for pointing out your errors. Don’t expect too much of others, but try to be helpful, especially if you have received good information from them. Find the one or two people who are as polite and cooperative as you are and trade good info with them. Do your best to promote others as you would promote yourself. Build good karma. And if you feel you must be honest with others about their work so they might become better writers, then go ahead.